Memories deceive me with their half-remembered shows, shadow shapes shifting over the walls with a flick of the magician’s fingers. What magic lantern now slips its subtle slides across night’s screen? Desperate I lap at salt-licks of false hope that increase my thirst and drive me deeper into thick, black, tumultuous clouds. A pandemic storm lays waste to the days that dog my mind. Carnivorous canicular, hydropic, it drinks me dry, desiccates my dreams, gnaws me into nothingness. At night a black dog hounds me, sends my head spinning, makes me chase my own tail, round and round. It snaps at dreams, shadows, memories, anything that ghosts through my mind. Hunter home from the hill, I return to find my house empty, my body devastated, my future a foretold mess. Tarot Cards and Tea Leaves are lost in a Mad Hatter’s illusion of a dormouse in a teapot raking runes from an unkempt lawn.
Commentary:
Well, what a muddle. Images flying everywhere, in and out, like Von Richthofen’s flying circus of WWI fame. And look at that last line! Tarot Cards and Tea Leaves are lost in a Mad Hatter’s illusion of a dormouse in a teapot raking runes from an unkempt lawn. No wonder Moo said “Nein!” when I asked him if he had a painting to illustrate this one. In fact, he quoted Salvador Dalí at me: “There’s no difference between you and a madman, except that some days, you aren’t mad.” I guess this implies that some days I am.
“Ah well,” said Mrs. Thomas calling her son Arwel in for tea. Welsh joke. Many won’t get it. Arwel didn’t and he didn’t get his tea either. Never mind. Those things happened a long time ago when the world was so much younger, and, dare I say it, wiser! Actually, there’s nothing wrong with the world itself. The problem, as always, just like the old woman who lived in a shoe, it’s the madmen who inhabit the shoe that are the problem. And when the shoe’s sole needs a nail, who is going to come and glue it back together. Not me, said the red squirrel, laughing. And he always laughs. As soon as it gets cold he tucks into my garage and it’s a devil of a job to get him out again.
What’s worse, he insists on building nests in my car engine. That’s three times now. And it costs money to dig those nests out. Not to mention the mess. First time, I didn’t even know he was in there until the windscreen wiper on the driver’s side started to fail. Then the whole watering system broke down. I took it to the garage, and the garagemen said “I hope you’re getting rent money, you’ve got a tenant.” Anyway, he got rid of the squirrel and the nest. But the little blighter must have followed me home, because a few days later he was back in there again. He’s in there now. I can hear him chuckling as I type this.
Dog Daze, indeed. I wish I had my doggy back. Alas, as you can see from the photo, he crossed the rainbow bridge to his doggy paradise, leaving me to contend with a garage full of ham-fisted red squirrels. No wonder my head is spinning around and I am chasing my own tail, round and round. At least he’s single, that squirrel. I don’t know what I’d do if he got married. I know my maths ain’t no good (nor is my English), but where squirrels are concerned, I am pretty sure that 1 + 1 = 6 or more and a foretold mess.
Yesterday, it was difficult to breathe. We inhaled dust and ashes as smoke from forest fires scuttled towards us, carried piggy-back on a strong west wind.
Today, the wind herds clouds into aerial castles, pinnacles and pyramids piled upwards, tall ships’ canvases painted dark, thundery, raised by fierce wedges thrust beneath them, lofting them into darkening skies.
Beyond a certain height, water becomes ice. Particles group together. Hail stones form, small at first, growing ever larger until the very air can no longer bear their weight. Golf ball big, they tumble down the sky’s steep ladder and fall to earth.
The dry drum roll of distant thunder rumbles. A scissor-slash of light shreds black skies. An executioner’s hay wain rolls towards us, a runaway train destined to tear our lives apart. It leaves us helpless, clamoring for safety, our world torn apart, our earth sore wounded.
Death scythes away, downing rich and poor alike. Who now knows which way thrown dice will fall? The dye’s sharp edge, once cast, cuts like a blade. Hail stones clatter on the roof, battering us down.
The old man, withered, last house on the left, leaning on his garden wall, coughing, spitting up coal dust and blood.
He’s not old, when you get close, just grown old, underground, where emphysema and pneumoconiosis devour men and boys.
He spits on the side walk. Mining souvenirs, Max Boyce calls them, and they appear every time the young man, turned suddenly old, starts to cough.
He can’t walk far, wearing carpet slippers, soft and furry, just leans on the wall.
He fell, or was pushed, into the trap at an early age, when the coal seams had grown so thin, that only a small boy could kneel before the coal black altar of the underground god and, with a pick and shovel, he learned to carve and shape the long, slow death contained in those seams.
Commentary
Moo’s painting, Coal Face, adorns the front cover of Carved in Stone, Chronotopos II. Coal Face is not the denigration of Black Face, white men pretending to be black by dyeing their faces, although they have some similarities. In Welsh Mining, the coal face is where the men used to dig when, with their shovel and their pick and their little lamp and wick, they knelt to dig out the coal. Knelt, because there was no standing room, deep down underground. Then, when the seams grew thinner, and the men could no longer reach them, the young boys were sent underground.
A day underground left men and boys with coal dust seamed into their bodies, especially their hands and their faces. Hence the triple meaning of black face – where the coal is dug, what men and boys looked like after a day’s work, and the blackening of their faces by white men, for the fun of it.
Faces are one thing, coal dust in the lungs is another. The result – emphysema and pneumoconiosis devour men and boys. Black lung, some call it. “And every time he coughs, he gets a mining souvenir” – a black spot coughed up on the sidewalk – Max Boyce.
Child labor, minimum wage, living wage, work that kills, slowly and silently, – what can I say? Forgive me, for I can say no more.
What is life? Is it just an illusion, as Calderón tells us, and nothing but a dream?
And what is time? Does it bend, as Dalí shows us when his surreal clock breaks into pieces, time and numbers flying off as it explodes over a waterfall?
Another clock folds – a pancake draped over the bough of a tree.
Time – a water clock, a marked candle, a grandfather clock, with Roman numerals, and time marching, round and round, erasing the past, establishing a future that will itself soon be erased.
And what am I but a moment on time’s clock, a drop in the clepsydra, a striation on a flickering candle, a piece of roughly polished sea-glass perched on a lonely beach?
Commentary:
Well, Moo has done me proud this time. Two early paintings, both depicting aspects of time, as conceived by Moo. In the first, time is seen as a tick-tock time bomb, or rather a set of tick-tock time-bombs. In the second, in imitation of Salvador Dali (Moo always set his sights high!), a clock going over a water fall and the hours flying off the clock face as time bends. So, tell me if you can, what is time?
Perhaps more important, what is life? Is it a dream, an illusion? And if it is a dream, what happens when we wake up? I know what happens when I wake up – I get up and go pee. Is that to be my final reality? By extension, is life our only reality? Or is our life a series of lives, as some religions would persuade us? And if a cat has nine lives, how many lives do we have? Can they be numbered? Or, like innumerable onions, do we peel away layer after layer? And if so, what is in the centre of the onion when we finally get down that far?
And why do some people write center while others write centre? Is life an illusion, a play? If so does it take place in a theatre or a theater? Or is really a sort of metatheatre or metatheater, life in rings, like the onion, lay after lay, layer after layer? Oh dear, this is all much too complicated. I’ll ask Moo to paint me a painting of life and we’ll see what he comes up with. He’s a bit lazy at the moment and his paint brush has the bends and refuses to cooperate. It’s probably made of cat bristles, and is untrainable and almost impossible to train, let alone to herd. Never mind. We’ll abandon all this for now and give the cat the task of training Moo to paint another painting.
… a mouth stopped with silence a pen that can’t write
a river that won’t flow no safe place at night
when I lit that candle I turned out the light
and sat in the stillness all flickering with fright
to whom can I turn to make things right
silent in the darkness I yearn for a light
a moth in life’s flame I flare and burn bright
scorching a hole in the shade of the night …
44
… but to lose my language is to lose my butterfly soul as it flutters to reach life’s sweet-scented rose
does the soul leave the body at night
released from its prison of earthbound clay does it wander in dreams among the stars
Commentary:
“Cette plume n’est pas une plume.” This pen is not a pen. A mere photo of a pen, and I won’t be able to write a word with it. Nor will you. Not that it matters, for we are nearly at the end of our journey. Only eight more sections remain, and then the poem will be done.
I thank all of you who are travelling this road with me. Not much longer. The poem is coming to its end.
… all too soon I too shall move on leaving behind me fading memories and cloud shadows
yet I recall standing beneath the cathedral’s great rose window on a sunny day my body dressed in a harlequin suit of glistening lights
in such splendour mortal things like words cease to flow
I held my breath shocked by an enormous presence that filled me then as it does now with the knowledge that nothing happens in vain …
40
… illumination I must find it for myself were another to tell me where it dwells its light would be untrue
only I can strike the match ignite the flame and trap its warmth in my body’s bone cage
when it flowers within me I’ll need no candle not even in the darkest mine
in Alma, I have seen the tide lower Fundy fishing boats down into the mud
like those boats I lack the power to resist both time and tide …
Commentary:
I asked Moo for a painting of boats from Fundy, preferably from Alma, lying on their sides at low tide. “Let me see what I am meant to be illustrating,” he said. He read the above excerpt from Clepsydra and told me “You’re navel gazing again. I thought I told you not to do that. Now, have I got a painting for you.” I didn’t dare refuse to post it – he’s had a bad couple of days and it has sharpened his sense of humor – so it’s here it is. Moo calls is – now don’t laugh – Naval Gazing.
“Nothing happens in vain.” So maybe I was predestined to ask Moo for a painting he didn’t have and to end up with one that tickled his fancy. Now that set off a light bulb in my skull. Mr. Dimwitty came to his sense – I have been navel gazing. Naughty, naughty. How many of you remember Mr. Dimwitty, the not too bright schoolmaster on BBC radio? Hold up your hands, and I’ll count them.
Meanwhile, things happen to Moo and me, and like the boats on the Fundy, we lack the power to resist both time and tide. And that’s why we help each other, carry each other along. “We few, we few, we band of brothers.” That was Shakespeare. Nowadays we have to say “we band of siblings.” It pays to be inclusive. Speaking of bands, I saw a man walking down Main Street yesterday, blowing a rubber trumpet. I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he was looking for a rubber band. Joy to the world and help spread the joy. If you don’t like joy, spread Marmite. And if you don’t like Marmite I am sure you’ll love Vegemite. Ma might, but Pa won’t. That’s why it’s not called Pa-mite.
Gorilla drives the same zoo bus all day, every day; same starting time, same finishing time, same route, same stops, different passengers, but every passenger the same: faceless. Gorilla doesn’t want to know their names.
“Please tender the exact fare!” Not a penny less, not a penny more, and he polices every penny. Bus conductor and master of every passenger’s destiny, he opens and shuts the door, letting passengers on and off the bus, but only at official stops.
Every passenger has a ticket, and he punches every ticket with a neat, round hole.
He never makes mistakes. He grinds, like God’s own mills, exceedingly small.
He has spent all his life in uniform. He has a belt and braces to hold his trousers up. He’s always prepared for the worst.
Ten, fifteen, twenty years: an anonymous wife; anonymous little babies; at shift’s end, a pension, and another bus.
St. Peter’s at the wheel. He doesn’t want to know where gorilla wants to go: he wants to know where he’s been.
Commentary:
Moo didn’t have a painting of a gorilla driving a bus, so he offered me a painting of the passengers instead. Look carefully – you might even find a portrait of me or you in there. Who knows where Moo goes and who he sees? I certainly don’t. Remember Picasso – he used to run downstairs, out into the street, see a face he liked, and run back upstairs and paint it from memory. I wonder if Moo does the same thing. I’d ask him, but if he doesn’t want to answer the question, he just grunts. And I can imagine him grunting at that one.
Anyway, we all know and recognize the gorillas when we meet them. They are totally unimportant, have a miniscule job to do, but do it with absolute authority and the utmost perfection. Like Gorilla – “Not a penny less, not a penny more, and he polices every penny.” – “he opens and shuts the door, letting passengers on and off the bus, but only at official stops.” – “he punches every ticket with a neat, round hole.” – and probably in the exact same spot of every ticket! – “He never makes mistakes.” – and if he does, it’s the passenger who suffers, because ‘Get on, get off, who ever you may be, I am the lord of the bus,’ says he.
What will happen to us at the end of our shift? I really don’t know. And I don’t think anyone else does, either. Will St. Peter be there to greet us? (I don’t know.) Has the Zoo bus replaced the ferry over the River Styx? (I don’t know.) What will we be asked when we get there? (I don’t know.) How will we answer? (I don’t know.) Is there a little book in which all our deeds, good and bad, are written down? (I don’t know.) Are we to be divided into sheep and goats? (I don’t know.) What will poor monkey do when he is turned into a sheep or a goat? (I don’t know.)
So many questions, deep questions, packed into one small poem. Most of those questions unanswerable. But that’s one of the joys of poetry – to open a poem is to open a tin of calamares – there’s always another something or other left in the corner. Look, over there, bottom left, right at the bottom of the can, I spy with my little eye another question. ‘What is that question?’ you ask. Sorry, mate, I’m afraid I don’t know.
Trapped in this fragile vessel, with the pandemic a passenger waiting to board, I drift from port to port, looking for a haven, safe, to have and to hold me.
No harbour will let me dock. “No room at this inn,” they say. “No haven here.” They wave me away.
Now I have no destination. Aimless, I float and every where I go the message is: “No vacancy: no room at all.”
Unwanted, abandoned, I wander with wind and waves, my only friends seals, porpoises, and whales. I walk the whale road, leaving a frail, white wake behind.
This vessel has become a gulag now, a prison camp where I exist just to survive. Each hour of each day endless, boundless, like this shadowy, haunted sea.
Today there is no motion, no goal. What is there to achieve but survival? Each day’s journey is sufficient unto itself.
Commentary:
Moo’s cartoon, Naval Gazing, dates from 2015. That year I spent eight weeks in Moncton at the Georges Dumont, gazing at my navel while waiting for my anti-cancer radiation treatment. Naval gazing / navel gazing, indeed. Good one, guys. You make a great pairing.
The poem dates from 2020 when Covid stalked the streets and we wore masks when we were not confined to our houses. I thought of the tour ships, wandering the seas, with the disease on board, and no port wanting them. It was a strange time.
Golden Oldies, then, both poem and painting. There are signs, small at present, but still visible, that such days are on their way back. We must each ask the question – What is there to achieve but survival? Hopefully we will come up with a similar answer – Each day’s journey is sufficient unto itself. Journey well and journey safely, my friends.
… walking life’s walk grey jays in the ash tree fresh snow on the ground
at night deer track out of the woods moon’s dead skull chalking its slow path westwards
snow falls white upon white whirling our world back to its cratered life
nothing needed other than moonlight on snow to ignite us
a white wall of water cascades earthwards from the moon waters of renewal waters of life waters that restore us and save us from the moonbeam’s slicing knife that amputates all life …
15
… it is scary tonight inside the topsy-turvy big-top of my circus world
carnival time clowns clowning around turning my life upside down
is my mind a spider-web spun by worry and doubt
I remember how they pushed me around kicked me out always the anonymous they
they abandoned me told me I was unwanted surplus to purpose forced me to exit
they told me to forget those amniotic waters that water world of comfort that illusion of reality they had created then threw me onto the street
I left behind their stultified personalities with all their stupid rules and blinkered minds that stopped them from seeing straight …
I have a question for you. Recently I purchased a book by Forrester- The African Queen. I enjoyed the movie years ago and thought I would like to read the story. The main actors were great. The book highlighted that it showed what it was like being a female during the war, (1) which when I look back on now is one of its main points.
My question or thought on this book is tied around the library system. When I lived in Fredericton I wanted to give a bunch of books to the library, their first question to me was, “How old are the books? I told her and she said anything over five years in not being accepted. (2)
I wondered about this and the fact that many books in school are being removed, (3) how can we tell how much we have progressed? (4)
I don’t like prejudice but it seems we are throwing out too much. (5) Any thoughts on this. I don’t mind some of the history being trashed (6) because for Canada the consentation is for Quebec and Ontario.
Roger’s Response
(1) It’s also about the role of the nun in society. How do ‘holy women’ function in a male society? It sets some of the many questions we are now being faced with, but doesn’t really give any answers. It’s a long time since I saw that film. I don’t think I ever read the book – the themes might well change in print. They are present (some of them) in The Handmaid’s Tale.
(2) The library system seems to have rules and an etiquette all its own. When I donated books to the library, they accepted some for their collections, but set others up for sale on the book tables by the door. My guess is that certain books are ‘best sellers’ and will be read, others are ‘dust gatherers’ and won’t be. They want the former, not the latter. They also have specialized collections. If the books fit the specialized collections, great. If they don’t, then they hit the unwanted category and are moved on. This is particularly true of the UNB Library System.
(3) This is an entirely different question, and one with very deep roots. It deals, in part, with the question of control – quis custodiet ipsos custodies – who shall guard the guards, who shall program the programmers? By controlling what people read, you control their thoughts. One of the worst signs of this was the book burnings of the Spanish Inquisition (15th – 16th – 17th centuries). The Jews were expelled from Spain in 1492. (And the Arabs / Moors, in 1609). Prior to that, these people were ‘processed’ by the Inquisition. The original Inquisition was Papal, aimed at instructing the priesthood in Rome in how to interpret the Catholic Catechism. It was corrupted in Spain (under Fernando and Isabelle) by the Spanish Inquisition, a sort of secret police, which worked rather like the Gestapo in WWII. One of their jobs was to ensure that people who had converted to Catholicism, to avoid deportation, stayed converted and didn’t revert to their old religion, even in secret. Another was to ensure that reading material, religious material, and cultural material, particularly after 1527 (Martin Luther and his 97 theses) when the Reformation started, were all in line with the accepted Catholic thoughts of the time. All books about to be published were sent to the Inquisitorial Censor who vetted them and either approved them, or asked for changes. If he (they were all men) saw the slightest sign of dissent or heresy. Don Quixote, Book One, Chapter Six (DQ,I,6), deals with the book burnings of DQ’s personal library. In certain of the States (down south) books are already being banned. A similar ban, in certain States, that touches us closely, is the banning of Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale.
(4) “There is no earth, no heaven, no extended body, no magnitude, no place and that nonetheless I perceive these things and they seem good to me. And this is the most harrowing possibility of all, that our world is commanded by a deity who deceives humanity and we cannot avoid being misled for there may be systematic deception and then all is lost. And even the most reliable information is dubious, for we may be faced with an evil genius who is deceiving us and then there can be no reassurance in the foundations of our knowledge.” René Descartes (1635)
Descartes expresses this much better than I can. It is one of the major dangers of the age in which we live. How do we distinguish between reality and alternate realities? Which reality is the real reality? What is, or isn’t, fake news? How do we tell? Who do we believe? And why do we believe them?
(5) Another part of the problem is that ‘certain people’ – who don’t believe in science and who exploit people’s scientific ignorance to their own advantage – are willing to destroy the foundations of our knowledge. Burn everything down, they say, and start again. The new starting point is to impose what they believe upon everybody around them. This is a huge and crucial problem that threatens us, as individuals. It also threatens the foundations of our knowledge, as well as the very world in which we live – climate change vs denial of climate change – profits over people, versus government of the people, for the people, by the people. Once one starts asking such questions and looks at the AI systems with their immense persuasive powers and their seemingly uncontrollable spread of Mis-information and Dis-information, then one starts to realize how serious the problem is.
(6) Those who ignore history are doomed to repeat it – Santayana (the Spanish philosopher, I think). However, we must, in certain circumstances, adjust our current beliefs to current realities. Immigration is a major issue – as is how we deal with people, like me, who come from different cultures and beliefs? Not everything written in the past suits our current world view.
I have been looking at old Westerns – “The only good injun is a dead one” (John Wayne). Really? I know some wonderful people in our first nations communities and I have taught them and worked with them and have often been taught by them. “Shoot first and ask questions afterwards.” Really? I won’t comment further on that one, without reflecting on the number of automatic weapons floating around in our socuiety. So many people are being killed by them.
All of this comes down to the big question – freedom of information or the release of just enough information to persuade other people of what we believe and what we want them to believe. Power and Control. Knowledge is Power – Michael Foucault. Control that knowledge and you have power over the people. Noam Chomsky has written widely on this – and his books have been banned in the USA. Bertrand Russell too – The Meaning of Meaning, for example, and his establishing – along with A. J. Ayer – of the doctrine of logical positivism – the removal by means of mathematics of all the emotional content of words.
My friend, you have opened a can of worms. Long may they wriggle and squirm.
rogermoorepoet 