Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

Daily writing prompt
Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

Describe a man who has positively impacted your life.

Does it have to be a man? Many women have impacted my life in a positive fashion. My Welsh grandmother taught me how to cook. She would stand me on a small stool placed beside the stove and I would watch as she explained what she was doing and why she was doing it. She allowed me to stir the various mixtures, to help beat the eggs, and when she baked, she always gave me a small piece of cake mix or dough so that I could create something for myself and bake it in the oven with the all the other things. It is hard to beat that type of impact. The small stone she threw still sends ripples through my kitchen and that of my daughter and granddaughter.

When I think of kitchens, I think of the many, many kitchens that I visited when living in France, Spain, and Oaxaca, Mexico. In each of them I picked up so many hints and ideas. In Santander, how to make a tortilla espanola / Spanish omelet. Every evening, my first landlady would leave, on the kitchen counter, one egg, one potato, and one onion. That was my supper – but I had to make it myself. I have made Spanish omelets for 60 years now. Some are simple, others combine different ingredients. All come from the kitchens I have visited in Spain.

In France, I learned the Parisian way to scramble eggs. Again, my landlady taught me how to scramble them her way, the only correct way. My scrambled eggs, learned as I was perfecting my knowledge of French language and culture, are still the talk of the table, when I serve them. Oaxaca was a total revelation, as I have said on many occasions, as was Oaxacan cooking. The first thing I learned – how to prepare quesadillas. Alas, there are no offerings of flor de calabaza with wish to garner them, not here in Canada, not that I have seen, anyway. Next came pico de gallo, that inimitable blend of cilantro, onion, jalapeno, tomato, lime, and salt. All of these recipes came, verbally, and practically, from the wonderful women who have enriched my world, as did the bacon and eggs, on a tortilla, with salsa mexicana, and the eggs scrambled in orange juice. And we won’t talk about the chapulines, grass-hoppers fried in garlic, nor the avocado with tuna delicacies.

Of course there have been men as well. Mon, the friend who spent twenty-three years in a Franco jail as a political prisoner, and survived. He built his own boat, powered by an old engine from a bakery that he adapted, and together we fished the Bay of Santander, every Sunday, for three consecutive summers. He taught me the secrets of the bay, where the fish were, where they hid, how they moved with the tides. He would encourage me to jump over the side, in deep water that lifted me up with the surge of the Biscay, under my armpits, and wouldn’t let me back on board until I could name every part of the bote. I became a very quick learner, especially as he was eating the omelet and drinking the wine as I was speaking. It was another incredible enrichment.

 Juanra, from Avila, was another such teacher. He would take me on his Sunday excursions to buy the week’s wine for his hostal-restaurante, and together we would visit La Seca, and other local wine-growing regions. I remember the day he and the lady who owned the vineyard we were visiting baptized me. We stood, thirty five feet underground, beside a wooden barrel, one of twelve in that cellar, that contained 5,000 litres of white wine. Juanra climbed a six foot ladder, and stood beside a tiny feather that acted as a plug to keep air out of the barrel. The lady, who performed the role of high priest, gave me a glass, showed me where to hold it, beneath the spigot, so that the wine would fill it and I could taste and test it. She turned the tap on – but no wine came out – then she held my hand ‘to keep it and the glass steady’. “Ahora / Now!” she gave the command. Juanra withdrew the feather, the wine flowed, and the lady jiggled my arm and soaked me from wrist to elbow, shrieking with a high-pitched laughter that blended with Juanra’s bass guffaw. “Ya te hemos bautizado,” they cried in unison. “Now we have baptized you.” And there I stood, a child of the vineyard and an adopted son of the land.

Just one? Only one? How could you be so cruel? I remember with great fondness one of my rugby coaches. Many of the people who surrounded him thought he was a clown, and told me so behind his back. But he had a certain something – and I wasn’t sure what it was. One day, at a national coaching conference, he took me on one side. “You already know everything that people here can teach you. But, somewhere, there is one piece of gold. You may find it here, or there, or in the bar. But that one piece of gold is what you will take home with you.”

When I coached the provincial junior team, one summer, I invited that coach to visit and to help me coach. We walked onto the field together. “Leave this to me,” he said. I asked him what I could do to help and he said – “Nothing. Just sit in my back pocket. See what I see. keep quiet. Ask questions later.” He started with a warm up game of rugby, which he refereed. “Whenever I blow the whistle three times – like this peep! – peep! – peep! – I want you to stop wherever you are. Don’t move until I tell you to.”

Then followed the most wonderful master coaching session I have ever witnessed. A ruck – peep! – peep! – peep! – – “Who was first to arrive?” No answer. he pointed. “You were. What did you do? Why did you do it?” This went on and on – scrums, lineouts, kick-offs, penalties, 25 yard drop outs – we weren’t metric yet. “Peep! – peep! – peep! – What did you do? Why did you do it? What else could you have done? Why didn’t you do that?”

They had called him a clown, the ones with the papers, and the coaching certificates, and the education, behind his back, and to them he was clown. But to me, he was a master coach. He taught me how to look, to listen, to see, to ask questions, and never to judge anyone until I had walked in a person’s shoes, or sat in their back pocket, not just for a mile, but for a whole wonderful weekend. He had a wonderful sense of humor and the clown left everyone laughing. Clown? He might have been the Prince of Clowns, but I have never forgotten what he taught me, nor how he taught it.

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

Daily writing prompt
Describe your life in an alternate universe.

Describe your life in an alternate universe.

Ávila: A Brief Tour of the City

            Ávila is both a city and a province. The city may be new (walls constructed in 1058), but the province, like the city site, is old; it is older by far than the Romans, much older than the Christians, much, much older than the Muslims and Jews who once lived here. Blessed with water, it has a constant series of fountains and wells, some sealed, some flowing still, in streets and squares. More: it is a secret city, one of earth’s sacred places. The Celts built here, and here they worshipped their wild, pantheistic gods of tree, stone and sky.

            I came here by chance, drawn by the saint’s name as if I were a kite being reeled in from the skies. Often, in former days, I hurried past the city, heading to Santander in search of sun and sand with Ávila’s walls a blur as the train sped past. Then, when I finally had time to stop, I stayed and found sanctuary. There is a silence here, even among the voices; a truth that is built in the stone, not with the stone: a belief in water and rock that transcends Christianity and all the wonders of cloister and cathedral.

            This sequence of poems starts outside the walls of Ávila, in the surrounding countryside. Here there are mountains and valleys, bulls and cattle graze, mist hangs high on steep passes, and the tinkle of bells is heard among dry rocks as the tame goats scramble and the wild sheep climb ever higher. Outside the walls there are valleys and rivers, Roman roads, trade routes which have survived when the names of the tribes are long forgotten, their buildings tumbled down, their wives and children perished. Sometimes the land is magnificent; sometimes it is harsh and dry, the skeletons of older dwellings, their bones picked clean, now structured into newer homes. In places, a harsh, dry countryside holds a single tree, shaped like a parasol, with cattle standing in its shade. Dry stone walls march across the land, dividing field from field, tying the countryside down like a parcel. It is a land of boulders and saints, fought over for thousands of years with each stronghold tumbled down by the latest victors, then built again.

            When I came to the city, I was frightened by the mass of stone. I needed air and light and so I escaped the walls and discovered la ronda antigua. Here, overlooking el Valle del Amblés, I sat and studied the airfield from where, according to local legend, Von Richthofen’s planes took off in 1937 to bomb Guernica. I sat beneath the walls, in the sunshine, on the benches and watched the day’s cycle: the sun moving from left to right, the shadows changing position, the benches moving into and out of the sun, and everywhere, the swifts, knitting the sky with their wings, baptising the tourists from on high, and twittering in and out of the stonework. Above them all, the glory of storks, their wings motionless, hanging like kites just beneath the clouds, or soaring suddenly, borne away on the breeze. Beneath the wall walk, red roofs, grey stone, slates and tiles, cobbled walkways, fields turning into streets and houses as the builders build and the city grows outwards.

            Inside the walls, there are people and slowly but surely I came to know them. I knew the  barmen first, then the waiters and the serving girls, then the shop-keepers and the pharmacist, the policeman on duty, the workmen pulling up the cobbles. Then I met the painters and the poets, the artists who (re)create, again and again, the images on which I feed. I talked to the men and women who walk their dogs and follow them with tissues so the streets will not be stained. I praise the cocker spaniels, the great Dane, the wrinkled Shar-pei who guards the second floor balcony and woofs down at the world, the golden retriever, the English pointer, well-bred dogs, all of them. They are the finest that money can buy, and most are immaculately groomed. Finally, I make friends among the teachers and the walkers, the sitters and the families, the people who visit the same squares as I do, who shop in the same shops, eat and drink at the same restaurants and bars, the citizens who see what I see and take an interest in what I find so entrancing.

            Just outside the walls, but extending through them and into the inner city is La Plaza Grande, also known as La Plaza de la Santa. This area has been rebuilt recently and new buildings stand beside the old. This vast and open space is the training ground for young footballers who play soccer back and forth between the benches as their elders sit and sip coffee or meet for conversation on the benches around the square. During the World Cup, the youngsters act out their roles as super stars, galácticos as they are called by the followers of  Real Madrid. The players dribble, run, defend, attack, centre, corner and shoot at goal. They weep, cry out, appeal, fall to the ground, dive and roll on the stones, banking their shots and passes off trees and walls. Older men, formal and distinguished, sometimes stop to catch a stray ball then burst suddenly into a trot, demonstrate a pass curved with the outside of the foot, shedding twenty years as they do so, smiling, until called back to reality by the stern voices of the wives. Meanwhile,  the old women, arms linked, move through the players and their game, like ships in full sail skirting a harbour full of flotillas of smaller craft as they sail on, undisturbed, in their feminine armadas.

            The cathedral in Ávila is unique. It forms part of the fortifications and is built in and up as part of the city wall. Above the cathedral, on its pointed towers and battlements, a colony of storks looks down at the inferior world of human beings. Once upon a time, the storks returned to their nests  in the spring, raised their families, and departed at the end of July or the beginning of August, to avoid winter’s cold that creeps down from the hills to besiege the city. Now, however, the storks have found the garbage dump outside the city and forage there, long after their departure time, some of them remaining all winter as the world gets warmer. Tourists in the cathedral square strain their necks, looking upwards towards the storks who reign above them. Hawks fly in and out among the nests, young chicks duck down, and pigeons seek the protection of nook and cranny as the predators fly by.

Surrounding the cathedral is the cathedral square, La Plaza de la Catedral. Entering the cathedral itself, you must rub the polished toe of San Pedro, and make a wish. It usually comes true, but take care, the wise men say, with what you wish: fulfillment of the wish does not always bring the joys expected. Exiting from the cathedral, the Calle de la Vida y la Muerte is the narrow street on the left. Here, beneath a rugged, wooden cross, duels were fought, the winner returning home or fleeing into exile, the loser lying in the dust, staining the cobbles with his blood. On either side of the cathedral door, chained lions, and the wild and leafy green men of the woods stand guard.

            Down the hill from the cathedral, past the temple of Nuestra Señora de las Nieves with its wood and metal seat, is the Plaza de la Constitución which changes names according to the age and political commitment of the local inhabitants. Some call it the Plaza de la Victoria; others, the Plaza del Ayuntamiento; still others, the Plaza del Mercado Chico, or simply, El Mercado Chico. According to some, this was the central square of a Roman legionary camp; according to others, the Romans never lived here. Either way, on Fridays, a street market holds sway. Fruit and vegetables, pots and pans, soap and perfume, and, above all, the marvelous spices of the region and beyond: saffron and the various styles of pimentón de la Vera. Here, close to the Puerta del Rastro and the Sanctuario de la Santa where St. Theresa was born, is the emotional heart of the city. Here, within the four walls which surround the square, one can hear the buzz of El Zumbo, the great bell that deeply hums when it is gently rubbed. Here and in its near vicinity are small bars and restaurants, pavement cafes, pedestrian walkways, gift shops, clothing stores, cobbled streets, shop windows for window shopping, art galleries, tiny ultramarinos with their collections of wines, foods, fruit, bread, and cheeses, patisseries, florists, newsagents, churches, and schools, everything that makes the hub of a city strum with life.

            Next door to the Mercado Chico is La Plaza del Medio Celemín, also known as La Plaza de Zurraquín. Here, in one small corner of this smallest of squares, which is actually shaped rather like a trapezium, nestles the Hostal-Bar-Restaurante known as El Rincón. The Rincón is typical of all that is good in that older Spain which survives from my childhood memories: bars laden with tapas,  the richness of tortillas, the tang of queso manchego, tablas ibéricas with chorizo, salchichas, jabugo, and jamón serrano, and beyond that, a variety of tapas and tid-bits: percebes, langostinas, gambas, caracoles de tierra y mar, pulpo, calamares, sepias, and meats of all sorts: costillas, riñones, and callos. But El Rincón is not just a symbol of food. It is a genuine neighbourhood bar filled with local people who run the full gambit from knowledgeable, wise, witty, and well bred to bad-tempered (when the national team loses), ecstatic (when it or the local team wins), disappointed (when someone from Ávila gives ground in the Tour de France or La Vuelta de España), tolerant of friends and intolerant, as people usually are, of idiots and fools. It is a bar of breakfasts and lunches, of mid-morning coffees, of suppers and tapas, of cigarette smoke and lottery tickets, of gambling machines and cigarette machines, and of people with voices so loud that the cares of the day are all drowned out. 

            But El Rincón is much more than a bar. At night, when the guests retire to bed, the rooms of El Rincón are filled with dreams. These dreams knock at the windows and clamour at the doors. Sometimes the city’s secular saints appear, visitors from the past and guests from the future. These include the spirits of the place, the spirits that the Celts worshipped three thousand years ago. They are there in the wells, in the water supply, flitting between the walls, and settling on the head of the bed. The water of the wells attracts them, for, more than anything, they are spirits of water and rock who speak in dreams and talk of wisdom’s ways: how to sit in silence,  how to watch moss grow, how to feel the stone’s blood circulating far beneath its surface, how to sense the hands of the men who carved the stones, how to sit and look in the mirror and watch one’s hair turn white, one’s mind turn in on itself, and time walk slowly by. Not the time on the hands of the clocks, but the centuries of slowness that go into the making of seekers and saints, people like you and me, who drop in for a moment and are caught for a lifetime; people like you and me who turn off the television and listen to the sound of rain and snow, of water flowing, of the slow acceleration of dust as it sparkles in sunlight and gradually grinds down granite.

            Listen carefully. Sometimes at night you can hear the waters slowly rising and filling the well, that deep well within us, where dwells the wellness of spiritual being, the growth of spirit, the slow search, inwards always inwards, for the light that lives at the centre and fills us, slowly, like the gathering water, with love of living and joy of life. This is the love that can watch the sun move round the world outside and inside the walls; this is the joy that can be taken from a falling leaf, from a stork rising into the sky, from birdsong, from cattle grazing under a tree, from the silent dance of leaves, from the sticks of the stork’s nest, from children playing, from the voices that wake us from the very dreams they weave for us as we daydream or sleep.

On Death and Dying

On Death and Dying

I once asked my grandfather, a decorated soldier from WWI, if he was worried about dying. “No,” he replied. “Why not?” “Well, Roger, we’re all going to die. We just don’t know when. So, if I worry, I will die. If I don’t worry, I will die. So, why worry about it?” I was about five years old at the time and we were standing outside the Swansea Hospital, as was, by the seat where the old men used to sit and gossip. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was my first lesson in Stoicism.

“The day I was born, I took my first step on the path to death.” Francisco de Quevedo (1580-1645), Spanish Neo-Stoic, among so many other things. Thinking like that tends to put things into perspective, for death walks with us every day. Death is our twin sibling, brother or sister. We face his shadow every time we look in the mirror and that shadow follows us around all day. “Death is a law, not a punishment, so why worry about it?” Also Quevedo. Dying is a different matter and yes, there are so many ways to go, some of them, especially nowadays, with the advent of life-preserving medicines, slow and unpleasant. Yet, mors omnia solvit – death solves everything. And it brings a release from all pain and suffering.

The lead photo shows a plaque in Avila (Spain). La Calle de la Cruz (1660) -The Street of the Cross. It is also known locally as La Calle de la Vida y de la Muerte – The Street of Life and Death. Why? It is rumored that here, turning left outside the main cathedral, duels were fought. Two men entered, but only one emerged alive. It is interesting to meditate on the close proximity of life and death, always there, side by side.

So, for the fun of it, let’s change the question: what is life? “What is life? A frenzy. What is life? An illusion, a shadow, a fiction. And the greatest good is small, for the whole of life is a dream, and dreams are nothing but dreams, after all.” Life is a Dream, Calderon (1600-1681). Looked at from this point of view, what is death? Is it the shutting down and the turning off of the cerebral computer or is it the great awakening from the sleep of life? You can think of it either way but, either way, it’s pointless worrying about it. As my grandfather also told me: “If there’s nothing afterwards, I’ll just fall asleep and that will be the end of it. But if death is the great awakening, then I will be very happy to wake up in a new reality.”

Robert Bly, in The Sibling Society, writes of the lateral movement that now embraces society with its grip of instant pleasure, instant gratification, instant happiness. As a result, we have strayed far from the vertical knowledge that sustained us for centuries. We have abandoned the wise words of our ancestors. Now the old are no longer the keepers of wisdom and the guardians of culture, the institutional memories of the race, if you like. Now they are foolish, clumsy, out of date with the world’s most rapid advances. Only the young, and their siblings, can keep up with the ever changing instants of life as presented to us.

But all is not lost. “What a peaceful life, that of the wise man who withdraws from this noisy world and follows the hidden path along which the world’s wisest people have always walked.” Fray Luis de Leon (1527-1591). We can move far from the madding crowd. We can construct our own realities. We can base them on the words of wisdom handed down to us over the generations. Switch off the TV. Watch the sun as it moves across the cathedral face (Monet) or the walls of your house (Moo). Live each moment of each day. Do not fall into despair. Above, don’t worry – it does no good at all.

The Way

The Way

Old Roman Road
Puerto del Pico


I sought the way and thought
I had found the way, but now
I feel I have lost my way.
Long walked I in shadow and sun,
hard Roman road beneath my feet.

Then I found bleached beach sand,
heard the sea-gull’s piercing sound,
walked sun-path, moon-path, bright
across a shimmering bay and knew
that by chance I had found my way.

Then came the way of ice and snow,
Hudson Bay parka, the ski way,
the snow shoe way of winter boots,
and still I believed, eyes wide open
that I knew I was still on the way.

Now my feet are old and slow.
Blood runs cold, bones ache,
head spins, heart is an ambush,
lungs throb and clutch at air,
head in hands I sit in despair,
hoping to be found,
draped over a shoulder,
brought safe to flatter ground,
comforted, and set again on my way.

Click for Roger’s reading on Anchor.
The Way

Two Dead Poets

Two Dead Poets

I enjoyed the WFNB readings last night. Thank you, Ronda, for organizing them, and thank you Susan, for hosting them. It was nice to see so many young friends gathered together on my zoom screen. I would have said ‘old friends’, but we don’t want to be reminded that yes, we are all getting older. Best wishes and many thanks to all who attended and congratulations to all the award winners.

Anyone interested in reading the rest of my memoir can read it by clicking on the link below. I will post a live reading of it on this blog later today.

MO – modus operandi –

  1. Click on the first link. The text of the story will appear on a different screen.
  2. Click on the live reading. The podcast – audio will appear on another screen.
  3. Turn on your volume.
  4. Turn on the podcast.
  5. Return to text screen (1. above).
  6. Read text while listening to the voice.

This will give you a unique audio-visual experience.

Two Dead Poets

I just completed the live reading. A Tour de Force. My longest single reading ever – over 12 minutes. My voice faltered a couple of times towards the end. My apologies for that.

Two Dead Poets
Live Reading

Bird’s Nest

Jackson Pollock it ain’t. But just look at those fledgling storks launching themselves into the air. And yes, those are their nests!

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Bird’s Nest
Jackson Pollock No5 (1948)

This bird’s nest starts with a startling tweet
that wins a trilled, thrilled response. A flutter
of heart-string wings, creator, viewer, join

with the creation. Thin threads of life mix
and match their tangled weave, existential
tapestry, fathered in a feathered nest.

World without end, this labyrinth without
an entry point, without a beginning,
with a spaghetti-thread middle that meets

not in a breath-catch of the mind, but in
a brush-flick of coloured rain, a cycle
recycled of circled paint, circular

in its circumnavigation, its square
eight by four-foot globe of a new world whirled
in stringy whorls, reinvented beauty

drawn haphazardly from the bicycle
tour de force of this artist’s inner mind.

Comment: This is a tongue-twister of a poem, much as Jackson Pollock’s painting is a twisted vision twisting the viewer’s eye. And, no, it is not easy to read. Nor is the painting easy to view. Click here for a link > Jackson Pollock < to the painting. Click here for a link to Alejandro Botelho’s reading of < My Grandfather >. Note that Alejandro’s reading of My Grandfather begins at 17.58. And note too that the other poets are also well worth listening to. Once again, thank you for this, Alejandro: your work is very much appreciated.

Driving at Night

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Driving at Night

Once upon a time,
my hair was brown and curly,
but now it’s straight and as white as
this drifting snow clogging the windshield.

I smooth down my hair with my fingers:
swollen knuckles, crooked joints.
I burn with feverish thoughts
yet cold blood shivers through my arteries.

Headlights blind me in my good eye.
The other one’s useless when I drive at night.
It’s a long time since I last saw,
let alone touched, my toes.
Putting on my socks or tying my shoelace
is a morning no-no.

Short of breath, of agility, with no ability
to climb up stairs: I stop to catch my breath,
pause, and shudder with despair.

What happened to my youth?
Where did my childhood go?

Time

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Time
A Theory of the Absurd

I wonder what I’m doing here, so far from home, sitting
at the bar, with my beer before me, my face distorted
in half a dozen fairground mirrors, surrounded by
people half my age, or less, all smoking, cursing, using
foreign forms of meta-language, gestures I no longer recall:
the single finger on the nose, two fingers on the forehead,
the back of the hand rammed against the chin with a sort
of snort of disapproval. It’s way beyond my bedtime, yet
I am held here, captured, body and soul, by foreign rhythms,
unreal expectations of a daily ritual that runs on unbroken
cycles of time: morning brandy, pre-lunch wine and tapas,
home for the mid-day meal, a brief siesta, back to the café
for a post-prandial raising of spirits, more blanco, then back
to work at four and struggle on until seven or eight when
the bar routine begins again with pre-supper tapas and tinto.
Time, comprehended in this new life-cycle, lacks meaning.
Time, in a cycle I have long abandoned, is absurd as well.

Memory

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Memory

Marigolds, Oaxacan flowers
grown to guide the dead,
leave so many memories at my door.

Milk bottles placed on the concrete step:
every morning, sparrows peck holes
in the silver tops to drink the cream.

Memory:
its once open door
now slowly closes.

Keys no longer turn in the lock.
Sleep gathers in forgotten rooms,
falling like dust on silken flowers.

Shadows double themselves in the mirror:
recycled shades carve the shower’s glass.

Wary of shade and flame I bathe beneath
a dust-laden beam of sunlight.

Motes in my mind:
flesh and blood chessmen
playing their game
on checkered boards of day and night.

Angel Choir

Sunset at Ste. Luce. We wait for the choir to arrive. Take a deep breath: it will soon be here.

Angel Choir
(on seeing the Northern Lights at Ste. Luce-sur-mer)
Sonnet

Listen to the choristers with their red and green voices.
Light’s counterpoint flowering across this unexpected son et lumière,
we tremble with the sky fire’s crackle and roar.

Once upon another time, twinned with our heavenly wings,
we surely flew to those great heights and hovered in wonderment.
Now, wingless, our earthbound feet are rooted to the concrete.
If only our hearts could sprout new wings and soar upwards together.

The moon’s phosphorescent wake swims shimmering before us.
The lighthouse’s finger tingles up and down our spines.
Our bodies flow fire and blood till we crave light, and yet more light.
We fall silent, overwhelmed by the celestial response.

When the lights go out, hearts and souls are left empty.
Leaving the divine presence is a gut-wrenching misery.
Abandoned, hurt and grieving, we are left in darkness.

Comment: The Spanish mystics, St. John of the Cross, and St. Teresa of Avila, wrote, in the sixteenth-century, about the ‘dark night of the soul’. That dark night also arrives when the communion with the spiritual finishes and the communicants are left alone, in their loneliness, abandoned to their earthly selves. To leave the divine presence is a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching misery. To turn from the marvels of nature can produce lesser, but still deeply moving feelings of grief and sadness. The secret is to preserve that joy and to carry it with us always, warm, in our hearts. Doing so makes the pain of separation much more bearable.