I retuned from the Red Room at KIRA to spend the weekend at home with Clare and this is what was waiting for me in the garage: a large parcel with books! So, we opened it and, to our delight, a constellation of stars emerged to bless us with their light and wisdom.
So, here I am, standing before the only island in Island View, with the first two copies of Stars at Elbow and Foot (Selected Poems, 1979-2009) out of the box and in my hands. Delightful. As soon as I have the purchasing details, I will place them online.
With regard to this collection, some thanks are due. First to my editor, Dr. Karunesh Kumar Agarwal who always does such a fine job in editing and publishing what I send him. Second to Allison Calvern who helped me choose, order, and revise the collection. Allison has always been such a strong supporter of writing, first here in Fredericton, and now in Ottawa. My thanks and best wishes go out to her. Third, to Chuck Bowie who told me with no uncertainty that THIS was the cover painting, and forget the others! Fourth, to Brian Henry of Quick Brown Fox who reached out to me one day, when my writing spirits were at low tide, and refilled my spiritual glass with encouragement and enthusiasm. Fifth, to all the readers and commentators on my blog and on Facebook. Your ticks are so important. Your comments are so welcome. Thank you all. Sixth, to the multitude of friends and editors who have encouraged me and my work, supported me, and pushed me to push myself further. Writing is a lonely task. We writers rely on others for so many things: support, advice, encouragement, and occasionally for the bus fares that help us stay on that writing bus and to never get off until we reach our destination.
Well, it’s been a couple of Tiz-Woz days sitting here, looking out of the window, waiting for the results of the bone scans I underwent a week or so ago. I should be getting the results next Monday, on my father’s birthday. He would have been 111 years old and I always celebrate his birthday by wearing either his watch or the one he gave me for my own 21st birthday, way back when.
This is a very special photo. It shows my 21st birthday watch together with the bracelet, with my name on it, that my grand-daughter made for me when she was four years old. Four generations of memories sitting on my wrist. I think she put my nick-name (nom de plume) on the bracelet in case I forget who I am. She knows it can happen in old age. The four dots are to remind me that she was four when she made this present for me.
Allan Hudson very kindly interviewed Jane and I for his blog: the South Branch Scribbler.
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Chaos Theory
Chaos theory: it states that we don’t know what we’re doing and it wouldn’t really matter anyway, even if we did, because life lacks meaning, chance rules, and Lady Luck with her lusty locks attached to her forehead and she, all bald and hairless from behind, must be caught as she arrives, because later is much too late, and when past, she’s gone for good and our good luck’s gone with her, and we’re left for ever, sitting there, head in hands, bemoaning all that milk spilled before we ever had a chance to actually taste it.
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False Spring
Winter whiteness slowing now, and the tide that full bore crashed white waves against our house receding to garden’s foot where warm roots wait their waking.
But winter still stalks the land and April brings snow, more snow, as if there will never be an end to these waves of whiteness, thinner, trimmer, true, but unwelcome as spring days grow longer and sunrise beckons ever more early with Crow and Blue Jay breaking the morning’s peace into raucous pieces as they bounce from branch to branch …
.. and brown the earth, and barren, and bare, the robins finding no food and flying on, while the passerines just call and pass us by, finches at the feeder, purple and gold, yet singing no songs, and the robins, hop-along casualties of this long-delayed spring that promises, to come but never arrives …
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Comment: Not so bad this year, the weather, but it’s been a funny winter, most strange, and totally discomforting, what with the pandemic, the lockdowns, the relief of going back to yellow, fresh lockdowns, and so many things happening everywhere while we were trapped inside where nothing was happening, save in the various forms of virtual reality that replaced quotidian reality with a mixture of faux, fake, and false, all wrapped up in a brown-paper bag of honey-sweet smiles and scowls, raised voices, and bottled anguish.
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GBH on the TCH
She climbs up from the river where she’s been drinking. She ripples tawny, red, and orange across the TCH.
As quick as a fox, they say: black socks, brush winter-thick held high and proud, as quick as a shadow melting into dark woods on the highway’s far side.
Her cub follows close behind, but he’s not quite as quick. A passing car tries to swerve only to grind him into the gravel.
Sudden, that fox-stink, still clinging to my nostrils like a slow-motion death, dreamed at night, frame by bitter frame, until a life-time of silence seals the lips of parted lovers.
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I opened the car door and he ran across the parking lot and jumped into the back seat.
“Where have you been?” I asked. He thumped his great tail, sniffed, and licked my hand.
As we drove home, he thrust his head between the seats and placed his paw upon my shoulder. Then he licked my ear and the side of my face.
I pulled into the garage and let him out of the car. He raced to the end of the drive, surveyed the neighborhood, and drilled an invisible pee into the snow.
I whistled, and he ran back to the door, whimpering and scratching, impatient. I held the door open and he bounded in. “You’re back home now,” I told him.
He ran to the cat’s bowl and lapped some water, scoffed her kibble, and lay down in his usual place. At night, he lies beside me in bed, a fluffy spoon carved into my body’s curve.
In the morning, he walks through the kitchen and doesn’t make a sound. The cat senses he’s there and bristles and hisses at rainbow motes dancing in the sun.
He’s sitting beside me now, head on my knee, as I type these words, one-handed, because I’m scratching him in his favorite spot just behind his ear.
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Driving at Night
Once upon a time, my hair was brown and curly, but now it’s straight and as white as this drifting snow clogging the windshield.
I smooth down my hair with my fingers: swollen knuckles, crooked joints. I burn with feverish thoughts yet cold blood shivers through my arteries.
Headlights blind me in my good eye. The other one’s useless when I drive at night. It’s a long time since I last saw, let alone touched, my toes. Putting on my socks or tying my shoelace is a morning no-no.
Short of breath, of agility, with no ability to climb up stairs: I stop to catch my breath, pause, and shudder with despair.
What happened to my youth? Where did my childhood go?