Solitary
They drove me there,
passed through the gates,
unpacked my trunk,
chatted with the head,
shook my hand,
then drove away.
The metallic clang
of the closing gates
still lives with me.
How old was I?
Six? Seven?
I no longer know
and there’s nobody
left alive to tell me.
I remember so well
the woodgrain on the desk,
the carved initials,
the loneliness that bit,
the barred windows
of that empty classroom.
Comment:
Looking back, I wonder just how and why I ended up in a series of boarding schools, starting when I was only six years old. What does that abandonment do to an only child, taken away, and left among strangers? I still have nightmares and wake up screaming, from time to time.
Why, why, why? The pinball of doubt bounces round the interior of my head as I struggle to plot different paths, different ways, how life could have, might have, been so different.
I guess that schooling, force fed, made me what I am. But then the pin ball starts again – what am I? Who am I? Why am I? And how did I become whatever it is that I became? Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa – was I then the one to blame?
rogermoorepoet 
Roger
So many unanswered questions, so much for a young boy to endure. Breaks my heart.
Unfortunately, there are memories that ramble through our thoughts, turning sunshine into darkness, casting shadows on the soul that most can’t see.
You are a survivor, with a beautiful heart, and a desire to help others come to terms with the ghosts of their past.
You are a blessing to many.
KTJ
Sent from Rogers Yahoo Mail on Android
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Thank you, KTJ.
As Calderon once wrote (in Spanish, of course!) –
What is life? It is a frenzy.
What is life? It is an illusion,
a dream, a work of fiction.
The greatest deed is small
because life is but a dream,
and dreams are nothing, after all.
Pedro Calderón de la Barca (1600-1681)
I turned the Comment into a second part to the poem.
2
An only child,
taken away,
left among strangers.
Why, why, why?
Doubt’s pinball
bounces round
my empty skull.
What am I?
Who am I?
Why am I?
How did I become
whatever it is
that I became?
Mea culpa
mea culpa
mea maxima culpa
Was I the one to blame?
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