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The cans betray their contents.
Bulmer’s Strongbow cider,
used to be from Herefordshire,
pale and dry,
now made in Amsterdam
from apples that have never seen
Hereford nor heard of the Malverns.

Somerset cider,
not made in Zummer Zet,
apples never falling
from zyder apple trees,
but born in Denmark
with value added sucrose

and an extra sweet taste
that would never be allowed
in a Wurzel song
about schoolboys and satchels.

No self-respecting
Zummer Zet head master
would allow such muck
in his school when local Scrumpy
was available at twice the taste
and half the price.

I can see the school note now:
“Next time send proper zyder,
Zummer Zet
This growing boy of yours
needs real apple juice
and lots of Vitamin C
to keep his young cheeks
red and rosy.”

Dozy basturds these furriners,
stuffing their cans with false fruit
and sucrose, taking in vain
those sacred names:
Strongbow, Hereford, and Zummer Zet.

2 thoughts on “Treason

  1. George would agree wholeheartedly after searching for an ingredient list on a bottle of cider here in Australia. Apparantly alcoholic beverages are not required to have an ingredient list only warnings about allergens.
    Research showed that cider doesn’t even have to be made from apple juice!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Clare was born in Somerset and I drank cider regularly in Bristol when I was at the Uni. Powerful stuff, that scrumpy. Over heard at the bar. “What you doing, staring at that pint?” “I’m waiting for that cider to dissolve that slice of lemon.” “Why?” “Becos I’d rather it ate that lemon than my insides.” So: drink, drink your cider up, that’s what my father told me …” Give George a big hug from me: man after my own heart!


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