dailyprompt

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

Daily writing prompt
What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?
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What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on a meal? Was it worth it?

The real question is not, how much money did you spend, but was the meal worth it! Think hamburgers – they can vary in price from a couple of dollars to twenty or thirty dollars, each. Is a good hamburger at $2.00 worth more than a rotten hamburger at $20.00? Of course it is. However, if you get a rotten hamburger at $2.00, even those dollars seem to be a waste of money, in the stomach pains of post-gobbling regret.

The same question and answer can be applied to most things – a sweater, a suit of clothes, a dress, a diamond ring… What we are really talking about is value for money. One of the best meals I have ever eaten was at a small restaurant outside the railway station in Lisbon. I arrived early for the overnight train to Madrid, checked my luggage in the left-luggage office, and walked down the road to this wonderful restaurant. I had plenty of time.

When I arrived a plate of hors d’oeuvres appeared before. These were meant to be snacked on before I placed my order. I asked for the menu of the day and chose pork tenderloin cutlets, with patatas bravas (hot spicy fried potatoes). After this came a small omelet, with fines herbes, French style, and this was followed by a lettuce, tomato, onion salad, in an oil and vinegar dressing. A fresh loaf of bread accompanied the meal and red wine was served throughout. Dessert was half a melon, hollowed out, filled with ice cream and soaked in cherry brandy. Afterwards, came a cigar (I smoked occasionally in those days), and a glass of brandy, with espresso coffee. It was simply delicious. How do you valley such a meal? I asked for the bill and reached for my traveler’s cheques (these were indeed the old days, before the ubiquitous credit card). I was ready to pay what the waiter demanded.

When the bill came, I couldn’t believe my eyes – $25, $50, $75, $100? No such luck. $4.50 and $5.00 with the tip added on. I didn’t need my traveler’s cheques. I pulled my wallet out and gave the waiter the equivalent of $10. What a wonderful meal. Totally unforgettable.

I have eaten in five star restaurants, in Michelin recommended restaurants, in restaurants owned by the friends of friends, and I have been ripped off, left right, and centre / center – whichever way you want to spell it. I have often found that the simple restaurants, with home cooking, and a simple menu were better than the over-rated, highly expensive, glitzy showpieces.

In Santander, we used to regularly visit a small restaurant that specialized in fish. The owners had their own fishing boat. They would net fish at sea, but line fish on the way back to port, genuine trawling, the old-fashioned way. The fish they caught was fresh, unbruised from the nets, and, at their restaurant, always cooked simply and well. Family and friends, we all shared the bounty of the sea. And the prices were low, while the quality and love was high.

Discourse Analysis – look at the question. Think about the words and ask what they mean. Search beyond them (and the simple answer) for the true values by which you wish to live your life. Do you crave the $100 cigar, or the free one delivered to your table after a wonderful meal? The $100 sauces that cover up the taste of the rancid meat or fish, or the simplicity of family food, hand picked and as fresh as fresh can be?

Oh yes – and I remember waiting two hours for my meal at one restaurant, a tiny one in a small community in Northern Spain, that nestled by a fish-filled stream. The trout, fried with bacon, were on special. The owner’s son had been sent to the stream to catch them, but they were slow to bite that day. The wine and tapas were free until the meal arrived. And arrive it did, dripping wet and still wriggling slightly. Twelve delicious trout, four each between the three of us. Who’s for fast food? Not me. I want the simple life – shared with friends and filled with love – any day of the week, no matter the cost. But when you look well and seek wisely, it will not cost that much – and it will be unforgettable.

And look at the paella I made for my beloved and I – in the photo above -. Warm for supper and cold for lunch the next day. Simple, relatively quick, and four round meals (they really weren’t square) served at about $2.oo a plate. Unbeatable. Unforgettable.

What are you curious about?

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What are you curious about?
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What are you curious about?

I am curious about how you generate prompts for people to write about. Do you put words in a hat and pull them out? Or do you examine a multitude of Christmas crackers to see what words of wisdom are contained within them? As for me, I am curious about Olde Curiosity Shoppes and the curious things that one finds in them.

I am also curious about aliens. There are so many of them. At night, they often invade my brain and stamp around causing enormous damage up there. I think they think the own the place, throwing parties at two in the morning and chanting things that shouldn’t be chanted. They embarrass me. Even worse they sometimes shame me. You should hear the things they say and sing. Snippets of old rugby songs and limericks that never even saw the shores of the Emerald Isle. Sometimes, next day, they are still partying, and those little snippets go earwigging their way on and on.

What’s worse, they speak several languages and I hear them chanting in Latin, French, English, Spanish, Catalan, Italian, Galician, and even in Welsh. As for the Welsh, it rolls on and on – ar hyd a nos – in fact they sing until Harry is hoarse. I looked in the mirror one morning, and I saw a whole crowd of them waving their tentacles like multiple octopi and chanting yma o hyd. And yes, indeed, they were still there. They weren’t going anywhere. They followed me around all day.

Another thing about which I am curious – how do I de-alienate the aliens who have alienated me from my old peaceful world of curiosity shops? “Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, tell me if you know, who the, why the, where the, what the, where do aliens go?”

And if you happen to be curious about what makes me tick, well, I have a long arm and a short one, just like a grandfather clock, and a key in the middle of my back with which you can wind me up and set me off on any topic, however curious it may be. Just light the blue paper and retire.

What are your future travel plans?

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What are your future travel plans?
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What are your future travel plans?

When Covid struck in Avila, Spain, a small walled city, the abulenses (the Spanish name for people who live there) were confined to their houses and apartments. They got their exercise by walking on their balconies, or walking around their living quarters, however small, again and again.

When I was young, I traveled regularly to Bristol Zoo. The lions and tigers paced restlessly in their cages, or else just lay there, soporific. Maybe their food contained the drugs that curbed their violence. I never asked. But I do remember that relentless padding from one side to another. In the aquarium, the fish swam around and around going nowhere. The same with the seals and the penguins. Alas, they were only animated by feeding time, when the attendants appeared with their buckets of fish. Then the animals came alive and dived, jump, swam, and responded to the food thrown to them to entertain the watchers.

And it was somewhat similar in Avila – the restless pacing, the circuit of the room, the movement to the kitchen or the fridge. Some people lost weight, but many put it on. They got up from the chairs in which they were sitting, walked to the fridge, opened the door, took out a beer or two, and returned to their chairs in front of their tv sets. Language is always renewing itself and, in times of difference and stress, we invent new words. This routine became known as El Paseo de la Nevera – The Stroll to the Fridge.

Now, as my age increases and my energy grows less, a similar thing is happening to me. I count my steps as I limp around the house, hobbling from room to room. I aim for 2,000 steps a day, but sometime manage more than that. I go out, in good weather – not raining, not too hot, not too humid – and time my walks around the garden. I am unable to count my steps when I lean on my Rollator as my hands do not move and they must be in motion, if I am to keep a record on my watch. When walking, I stay as close as possible to the shade and try to keep cool. Each day, I try to walk two or three times in this fashion. Sometimes I even manage four outings at 15 minutes apiece. Occasionally, especially if I go shopping as well, leaning on my shopping cart, I may even manage an hour’s walk or more. When I achieve my targets, I feel fulfilled and satisfied.

While walking in the garden, I do one of two things. (a) I concentrate on the flowers, the ants beneath my feet, the weeds, the moss, the birds, the way nature grows and blesses me. Or (b), I pretend I am back in Avila, or Santander, or Brandy Cove, or Pwll Ddu, or Bishopston Valley, and as I walk, I visit my favorite bars and talk to the family and friends that I miss so much and haven’t seen for so long, most of whom I never hear from nor will ever see again.

And these are my travel plans – to continue doing this for as long as possible. To walk regularly. To continue to dream as I walk. To rejoice in the sunshine of my garden. To survive – and to enjoy each moment that I am permitted to do so.

AMDG – Ad Majorem Gloriam Dei.

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

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On what subject(s) are you an authority?
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On what subject(s) are you an authority?

First, I would like a definition of an authority. Here’s what I found – 1. the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience – as in “he had absolute authority over his subordinates”. 2. a person or organization having power or control in a particular, typically political or administrative, sphere as in – “the health authorities”. Isolating the words enforcement, power, and control, I am delighted to say that no, I am not an authority on anything, and I have no control over anyone. Also, I am not a monarch, and I have no subjects.

What happens if we change the meaning of the words slightly and ask another question? Here is a suggestion from the online Cambridge Dictionary – searching for an answer to my question “What is an example of authority on the subject? – I found this – The phrase “authority on the subject” is correct and usable in written English. You can use this phrase to describe someone who has extensive knowledge or experience on a particular topic. For example, “Dr. Smith is considered an authority on the subject of modern psychology.”

Now this becomes a very interesting question and it can be answered from a variety of perspectives. In our two person household, I deem myself an authority on some forms of cooking. I regard my beloved wife, my better two-thirds as I call her – an authority on the forms of cooking that I have trouble with – for example, baking, cooking vegetables, boiling eggs. She does a wonderful boiled egg. I am hopeless at boiling eggs – either too hard or too soft, usually the former. But I am the authority on Spanish omelets and scrambled eggs. They are my specialities. She makes wonderful chowders. I specialize in gazpachos, sopa de quince minutos a very quick (15 minute) Spanish sea-food soup, and Cawl Mamgu and other Welsh stews.

Once we step outside our kitchen, the world changes. In a world (New Brunswick) where cricket is virtually unheard of (save in the minds and cultures of fellow immigrants) I am considered an authority on cricket. Not that I am an authority, but at least I know what it is and have a good idea of what is happening in a cricket match. Therefore, we must also consider ‘being an authority’ in the context of the audience that receives our words of wisdom. To my nine year old grand-daughter, I am an authority on several subjects. However, I have absolutely no control over her – how she thinks and what she does. I can suggest or persuade, but I cannot and will not enforce.

In the undergraduate classroom, in which I taught for 43 years, I was considered an authority on Spanish by my students. Outside the classroom (and sometimes inside it) I learned more from my students than they ever learned from me, especially in my formative years as a Canadian when I was learning to skate and to ski. Don’t go there – too many painful memories of falling only to rise again!

But when we moved from the classroom to the wider university, to the full Canadian Scene of the Learned Societies, as they used to be called, I became the learner and the authorities were to be found elsewhere, often on the podium, sometimes in the bar. Same thing when we move onto the international stage. There are very few world authorities, in my field. However, there are many wannabe’s, but for them, after careful analysis of their strengths and weaknesses, I have usually had very little respect.

So, today we have opened another can of worms and look at them, wriggling and crawling before our very eyes. Worms – one of my friends really is an authority on earth worms. She knows all about them. Another of my friends is an authority on worms in puppies and kittens. A world wide authority, known every where and often quoted? I doubt it. But certainly in my garden and the vet hospital where I take my pets, they are both authorities.

Ah, the joys of Discourse Analysis – maybe, one day, I can be an expert on that. But take my words, as always, with a large pinch of salt, and, whatever you do, don’t put salt on slugs, and snails, and puppy dog tails. On that point, we can all be authorities.

What are your daily habits?



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What are your daily habits?
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What are your daily habits?

“The habit (Greek: Σχήμα, romanized: Schēma) is essentially the same throughout the world. The normal monastic color is black, symbolic of repentance and simplicity. The habits of monks and nuns are identical. Additionally, nuns wear a scarf, called an apostolnik.”

So, my daily habits are a little bit monastic. “Monks were very religious, lived simple lives and followed certain rules to discipline themselves. The monks didn’t have any possessions, they didn’t even own their own clothes and they wore a simple garment known as a habit. Monks chose to live in the monastery as they wanted to help others and worship God.”

I can’t say I am very religious, in the church-going sense, but I do live a pretty simple life. My rules and disciplines consist of daily exercises, stretching and strength, a morning wash and shave, getting dressed in my non-monkish habits – jeans, shirt, sox, shoes or sandals. Coffee and fruit for breakfast. Writing – (a) in my journal (b) on the computer (c) in my poetry book. An early lunch, usually a sandwich. A post-prandial walk around the garden with my roller, examining the hollyhocks, the yucca, and the clematis, and checking on the progress of the other flowers.

The daily routine of a monk is somewhat similar. Monks typically wake up early in the morning, often before sunrise. I wake up early, text a couple of my best friends on the cell phone beside my bed, and then I go back to sleep again. I often begin the day with a prayer or a hymn – as do the monks – “Every morning, when I wake, / oh Lord, this little prayer I make, / that thou will keep a watchful eye, / on all poor creatures born to die.” Then I begin my daily routine of work and meditation. The specific activities and schedule can vary, but generally, I spend several hours each day in work (writing) or study (reading).

I try to think like a monk – to think like a monk means to remain calm and focused under all circumstances, especially when life gets challenging. Alas, at my age, I meet challengers all through the day. Things fall to the floor – challenge – can I pick them up with my magic claw? I can’t open bottles and cans – challenge – can I do so with one of my two magic appliances? I actually have three, but one of them doesn’t work. The other two, however, are wonderful. It is almost impossible for me to open plastic wrappings – challenge – can I do so with a pair of scissors, a pocket knife, or must I, in the worst case scenario, use a genuine can opener? Good tip, that, incidentally, especially for bubble packs. There are many other challenges, the worst of which is always what to do if I fall down. We won’t talk about that – I just do my best not to fall.

I also do my best to lead a relatively simple life – I try (1) to do one thing at a time – (2) to commit whole-heartedly to my family and few close friends – (3) to simplify my life and concentrate on what I am doing – (4) to develop my mind by not indulging excessively in social media – (5) to order my existence by making lists of essentials that must be accomplished – (6) to express myself and my love for the world around me in poetry, prose, and paint – and finally, (7) to remember that, the day I was born, I took my first step on the path to death. Beyond that, I do very little more.

What makes a teacher great?

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What makes a teacher great?
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What makes a teacher great?

When Moo descended from Mount Academia, he brought down with him the ten tenets to which great teachers, knowingly or unknowingly, commit. He asked me to transcribe them here, since they were in danger of being neglected and / or forgotten.

  1. Mastery of the subject – great teachers know their subjects inside out. They do not read their graduate school notes to their students, heads bowed, chins on chest, droning on in a low, boring mumble. They encourage questions and are open to debate with their students about the subject that they know so well and openly love.

    Master thy subject.

  2. Humility – great teachers are humble. They know that they are not omniscient. They also know that knowledge changes across time and that they too must change and follow new ideas. They also know, perhaps instinctively, that some of their students are as intelligent as they are. They never dismiss their young charges as idiots, fools, or lunatics to be beaten and forced into the required shape.

    Be humble.

  3. Flexibility – great teachers are flexible, not rigid. They can bend the rules, reshape the syllabus, change pace and tone to match the needs of their students. In addition, they ask their students about their needs and try to address those needs in a personal way, sometimes on a one on one basis.

    Be flexible.

  4. Reaching out – great teachers reach out to their students as a group and as individuals. They never paint themselves into the know-all corner where they alone know best, and they know, with absolute certainty, what’s best for their students. Great teachers know, above all, that one size, in great teaching, neither fits nor benefits all.

    Reach out.

  5. Equal treatment – great teachers treat their students equally. They do not fawn on the best and scorn the worst, nor do they teach by the WWII convoy system, teaching only at the speed of the slowest. By extension, great teachers try to create an atmosphere of love in learning and joy in the subject.

    Practice equality.

  6. Honesty – great teachers are honest, fiercely honest. They know their own strengths and weaknesses, their own limitations. They work on their weaknesses, striving to turn them into strengths. They also push the boundaries of their limitations, striving always to keep up with the ever-changing frontiers of knowledge.

    Be honest.

  7. Human beings – great teachers know that they are human beings and they recognize early on in their careers, that while they are teaching a subject, they are also preparing fellow humans for a life beyond the ivy-covered walls of academia. By extension, they emphasize the humanity of their students and try always to develop and sustain that humanity.

    Be human.

  8. The meaning of meaning – great teachers reach out beyond their subjects to teach the meaning of meaning. Why is the subject important? What can each individual use this hard-earned knowledge for, in their own lives? How can they reshape their own lives and create better ways of learning and living? This teams up with reaching out and enters the realm of learning for learning’s sake and love of learning and love of knowledge.

    Love thy learning.

  9. Creativity – great teachers are creative. They open their students’ minds to new ideas, fresh knowledge, better ways of doing things. They never use phrases like ‘thinking outside the box’ and they do not build better boxes, one or two sizes larger than current boxes, inside which their students must now sit, work, and think. Creative teachers tear down the walls of medieval academia and open their students’ minds to the winds of change and fresh knowledge.

    Be creative.

  10. Life long learning – great teachers teach students how to think for themselves, how to teach themselves, how to self-assess, how to check and double-check the knowledge (all too often nowadays, fake news and / or false knowledge) handed down to them from a multitude of sources, far too many of them unreliable. Great teachers teach their students to know themselves. They also teach them how to work out whether a source is a reliable fount of information, or not. In short, they teach life long learning and neither they, nor their students, ever give up hope.


    Teach Life Long Learning.

Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

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Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?
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Are there things you try to practice daily to live a more sustainable lifestyle?

Let me begin by asking a straightforward question – what on earth does this question mean? Permit me to begin with the word lifestyle. I googled it and got the following – 1. a set of attitudes, habits, or possessions associated with a particular person or group. 2. such attitudes, etc, regarded as fashionable or desirable. Let me now google sustainable. Here’s what I found – 1. able to be maintained at a certain rate or level – “sustainable fusion reactions”. 2. able to be upheld or defended – “sustainable definitions of good educational practice”. 3. Sustainability is ability to maintain or support a process over time. Sustainability is often broken into three core concepts: economic, environmental, and social.

This is all very interesting indeed. So, what can I practice daily that will allow me to maintain “sustainable fusion reactions”? Answers via snail mail, trained snails please, via the North Pole, to arrive by Christmas, if the snails can maintain the pace. What can I practice daily to “uphold or defend sustainable definitions of good educational practice”? Good question as a retired former teacher, I have to admit that there is very little I can do about an academic world, already moribund, that I left fifteen years ago. As for the three core concepts of economic sustainability, environmental sustainability, and social sustainability, well, I really don’t know what to say.

Economic sustainability – I look at the growing number of homeless and the multitude of retirees who are forced out of their homes or apartments and onto the streets by rising rents, and I feel fear and dismay. I watch prices rise and my savings fall – you tell me, pretty please, what can I do about it? Hope? Pray? Petition? Buy less? I already do that. Eat less? I already do that. I can control a certain amount around my own house and home, but there’s little I can do about homelessness and the stock exchange and the cost of living.

Social sustainability. Covid brought shutdown (2020) and shutdown meant a great many friendships and connections were broken. It is hard, at my advancing age, to establish new friends, begin new relationships, or renew connections with friends who are happy to remain disconnected. Besides which, a year or more of masking, not meeting, not leaving home, changes one’s lifestyle. It is hard, as I say, to gear up and start again.

Environmental sustainability. “Drill, baby, drill.” What can I do, on a daily basis, to stop drillers drilling, miners mining, polluters polluting, forest fires burning? I certainly try to pollute as little as possible on a daily basis – but – I do not own an open cast mine, an oil refinery, nor do I have an oil field to exploit, nor a space ship to launch like a modern day Noah’s Ark, to escape the deliberate destruction I am doing to the earth. Clearly, I try not to play with matches, especially on a hot dry day. But that’s mainly a cross between courtesy and common sense. To phrase it another way, I certainly didn’t guzzle up all the cod on the Grand Banks, or allow the sewage from a major sewage works to overflow into rivers, lakes, and seas in order to save money and make larger profits for my friends and shareholders.

Given my limitations, yes there are things I do on a daily basis to live a more sustainable lifestyle. I eat less. Go out less. Exercise and stretch more. Try to recycle as much as possible. Try not to over indulge and to make my daily bread stretch as far as possible, sometimes into a second or third day. I would, if I could, buy seven loaves and five fishes, go out into a central square, and feed a multitude. But, alas, something like that is really way beyond both me and my pension level.

What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?

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What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?
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What’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever eaten?

No single item of food stands out. That said, eating is a cultural thing – does one eat on one’s own, or does one eat with family and friends? What role does food play in one’s life? For me, for example, food is cultural, an occasion, not a meal. For example, a fresh, Spanish croissant, for breakfast, a late breakfast, at the bar in the Rincon, Avila. Before me, the daily newspaper, open at the page with the daily chess problem. The coffee, freshly brewed, a cafe con leche, and the croissant, waiting to be dipped in the coffee, and the resulting delight transported to my mouth. Sometimes, there are no croissants left. Then, one of the world’s best kept secrets, un sobao pasiego, a small sponge cake, from the Vega de Pas in Cantabria. It holds together when dunked and can be eaten moist or dry.

By extension, when younger, after an afternoon’s soccer on the beach – la Segunda Playa del Sardinero, in Santander – cool red wine from a porron, and selected seafood in the form of tapas, nibbled with the other players, as thirst is quenched, and the appetite that comes from running on warm sand under a hot, summer sun, is slowly sated. Seafood – this includes octopus – pulpo a la gallega – or squid – calamares rellenos en su tinta – or caracoles de mar – sea-snails – or oysters, fresh, with a squeeze of lemon – or mejillones en salsa de tomate – mussels in tomato sauce – gambas a la plancha, roasted shrimp – or gambas al ajillo, pan fried shrimp in garlic – or almejas a la marinera, clams, Spanish style – the point is to ganarse el puchero / to earn your food, by dint of hard work, and to share it with your friends.

When I think of Welsh food, once again, it is the family gatherings and the love around the table that dominates. Under these circumstances, a simple boiled egg – not everyone can boil an egg properly – with hot toast and fresh salt butter, can be an overwhelmingly delicious meal. Eggs – so supple, so creative – scrambled eggs, creamy and lightly curded – an omelette aux fines herbes, with a lightly tossed green salad – a tortilla espanola, easy to prepare, but incredibly difficult to prepare to perfection. Free range eggs, fresh from the hen house, sea salt prepared locally, olive oil from a local terroir, potatoes, also local, onions from the garden. Each of these contains within it the taste of the same earth, the same air, the same rain.

Speaking of which, to travel to the high hills in the Province of Avila, and to smell the herbs that grow in the sheep pastures, thyme, rosemary, and to know that the flesh of the spring lamb will be flavoured by the herbs it has been eating – even the lechazo, a lamb still on its mother ‘s milk, tender, so tender, and so small that it broke my heart to see it. A lamb so small that I couldn’t eat it. I watched it appear on the family table and vanish in a couple of mouthfuls, washed down by a specially selected wine. I enjoyed the company and the rest of the meal. But I’ll never forget that tiny lamb.

However, it’s never just about food – it is about the cultural content of the room, the family, the table, the friends, the joy of sharing and caring. Oh dear, and I never got around to telling you about the paella I made, the ones that appears in the lead photo!

Write about your first crush.

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Write about your first crush.
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Write about your first crush.

No. No, I can safely say that I have never had that sort of crush, except on a teddy bear or a little poo-pee aka puppy. I guess my first real crush was an orange crush. And no, again, not that orange crush either. I guess I have never been a fan of the Denver Broncos. But, as a child, I loved Orange Crush and Dandelion and Burdock, the former suitable for children and the latter looking remarkably like grown aka groan up beer.

During my time at university, I fell victim to several crushes. One was at the bottom of a collapsed scrum while playing rugby. Never much fun that sort of crush. All those sweaty, smelly bodies. Another came in an attempt to beat the Guinness Book of Records under the achievement – how many people can you get inside an English Telephone Kiosk? This was in the sixties, when England actually had telephone kiosks. If you have never seen a real English telephone kiosk, there’s one down in Kingsbrae Gardens, and I highly recommend a visit to that antiquity – almost as good as the statues in the gardens.

Anyway, one day in rag week, a group of Bristol University students, me among them, started crowding into a telephone kiosk. We entered upright, tried kneeling, others kneeling on our shoulders. We managed about twelve.

Doors open or doors closed? This baby came with no instructions. Poor parents, even more miserable single parents. And they are almost always young women, aren’t they? Come to think of it, maybe we should have invited some female students to join us – much lighter in weight and far less smelly – in the bad sense!

So, we tried a different tactic. If the first measure was a crush, and indeed it was, well, the second measure??? Judge for yourselves. One of us held the door open, the rest of us lay down like logs, feet outside the door, and the newcomers lay down on top of us. Ingenious indeed. But those at the bottom could scarcely breathe. They were the victims of a real crush.

Like the finger in the woodpecker’s hole, we reversed it – feet in, heads out. We got up to twenty-seven students. Then we ran out of student volunteers. Revolting. We asked passers-by to help us. But to no avail. Reversed and removed. Equally revolting. Sent our efforts in, with photos. There was no response. We didn’t make it. I still don’t know what that particular crush record is.

In Cassis-les-Calanques, 1960, I was one of eight people standing in a Citroen Deux Chevaux. That was quite a crush. But, in Santander, Spain, 1970, Clare and I watched 11 people, yes, eleven, get out of a SEAT 600, a 600cc Spanish four-seater car, otherwise known as a bullet / bala, and with about as big an engine as your lawnmower. They exited, one by one, and proceeded to enter the local church for Sunday mass. Can you imagine 11 people riding on your lawnmower?

Maybe that wasn’t a crush at all. Maybe it was just a (Morris) minor miracle.

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

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If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?
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If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

Oh dear – such a difficult question. I have seen so many people puzzling over which dress they would choose, which blouse matched the skirt, which tie best highlighted the shirt, what color hanky, suitably folded, best suited the little breast pocket of the suit. Why do we have to have outfits? Couldn’t we have infits.

Now that’s a great idea. The one infit that I wear, every day, regardless, is my birthday suit. I have worn it, day in, day out for 80 years and it still (in)-fits me and, quite honestly, I have never spent a day without out it. Of course, it has worn a bit over the years. And no, I will not show you any photos.

However, I can say that the six pack that I once sported has become a rubber tire. There are bruises and scars where once the skin was white and tight, or bronzed and shining bright. Muscles have shrunk. Back has bent. Arthritis kicks in, now and again, but my birthday suit adapts to everything. It really was a wonderful invention.

And, guess what! Every day is my birthday now and today I am 29,370 days old. Not everyone can say that. And yes, I can also tell you, in all confidence, that I wear my birthday suit every day now in celebration of each passing birthday.

In Spain everybody has two birthdays – the day they were born and their saint’s day. The saint’s day is the day on which the saint after whom they are named is celebrated. Two birthdays is lovely – but to have 365 birthdays a year, to wear my birthday suit for every one of them, is spectacular. And it’s even better to have 366 birthdays in a leap year.

I know you know that a leopard cannot change its spots, but did you know that a leopard had 365 spots on his coat – one for every day of the year? Now that’s a fact that not everybody is aware of. What about a leap year, you ask. Well, on the 29th of February, every four years, to find that extra spot, you just have to lift the leopard’s tail. And don’t ask me how I know, because I am not going to tell you.