Snowman

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“Settle down, children, and be quiet. I am going to read you a story about the snowman who didn’t believe in global warming. You, at the back, Elizabeth … yes, you. Sit down and shut up and stop biting your fingernails. And no, it’s not recycling when you chew them afterwards. Stephen, stop blowing raspberries. Now, children, shall we begin?”

“Yes, miss.”

“Once upon a time, a long time ago, after a big snow storm in November, Little Justin built a snowman in his garden. It was a lovely snowman. You can see how lovely it was if you look at the picture at the top of this page. There. Isn’t he lovely?”

“Yes, miss,”

“Justin was a very clever boy and he could do magic tricks. So, he made his snowman mobile and the snowman walked all over the garden. He was a very happy snowman and he threw snowballs at Justin who caught them and threw them back. Stephen, will you stop blowing raspberries.”

“Sorry, miss.”

“Justin’s snowman could speak and understand long words and sentences. He was very clever, but not as clever as Justin. David, will you stop picking your nose and don’t put that finger anywhere near your mouth.  And Stephen, one more raspberry and I’ll make you stand in the corner. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, miss.”

“One day, Justin told the snowman all about global warming and how the spring would come and the sun would shine and all the snow would melt. ‘Phooey,’ said the snowman. ‘I don’t believe you. And anyway, I don’t care.’ ‘You just wait until April or May,’ said Justin. ‘Then you’ll believe in global warming.’ ‘Right,’ said the snowman. ‘I won’t believe in global warming until April or May. Then I’ll believe in global warming. Maybe. We’ll see.’ Justin was very upset that the snowman didn’t believe him. Stephen: that’s enough. No more raspberries, I said. Now go stand in the corner. With your face to the wall. Any more noise from you and I’ll put you in detention. Do you understand?”

“Yes, miss.”

“Well Christmas came and the snowman danced on the snowbanks and thumbed his nose at Justin. ‘Global warming sucks,’ he sniggered. Justin shivered through the cold winds of January and February. Then March came in like a lion and the cross-country skiing was wonderful and Crabbe Mountain was full of young people all having fun. Meanwhile the snowman danced away and sang under the moonlight. Some nights Justin would wake up to find the snowman’s face, like a great full moon, leering in at his window. And … what was that noise? Stephen, was that you?”

“Please, miss. I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t a raspberry, miss.”

“I know it wasn’t a raspberry. And I know what it was. You’re coming with me to see the principal. Class, you can take out your pencils and notebooks and write your own ending to the snowman story. Stephen, what you did was disgusting. You’re coming with me to the principal’s office. Right now.”

“But, miss,” Elizabeth an David raised their her hand.s and spoke in chorus” “What happened to the snowman?”

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8 thoughts on “Snowman

    • Thank you! I had such fun writing it, and especially drawing the two cartoons. My last dog was particularly fond of snowmen and preferred them to fire hydrants. Canadian proverb: “Never eat yellow snow.” Have a good one, as they say up here. Make it a good one, as they say on Star Trek. Hugs. Roger.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks for another laugh, Roger. I haven’t eaten snow in several years, but if I get the urge to make snow cream, providing i can find ANY snow at all, I’ll be sure to pass on the yellow part. Without your timely alert though I might have thought it was lemon flavored and tried it, lol. Oh, my dog kinda loved the snowmen also. We didn’t have our own fire hydrant and the trees seemed to lose their appeal in cold weather.

        Liked by 1 person

      • We have lots of snow here and it came very early, 10 November or so. We’ve had some spectacular storms, snow, rain, ice, and wind but with terrible co-lateral damage: … 100,000 without power, 52,000, and 39,000 just a couple of days ago. And cold temperatures too. They have had to open the warming centers and shelters early for the street people. Tragic.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hate to hear this. One of the many reasons I dislike snow and ice. Around here we always get ice first, sometimes followed by snow but always dangerous because of the black ice situation. One of the best things about Kentucky is that we don’t get that much snow, but when we do it’s comical at times. One year the governor shut the entire state down to travel because we had about 4 inches of snow. Rather drastic solution to a simple problem. He wasn’t re-elected.

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      • I was in Albuquerque for a conference one winter. About an inch or two of snow and the whole city gridlocked and traffic snarled. As a Canadian, I was amused. But I remember, back home in Wales, how a couple of inches of snow on the coast could create enormous problems: just not prepared even for that much. Ah, those winter tales!

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      • People here don’t know how to drive in it and there are a lot of pile-ups. If they would use common sense instead of the brakes they could easily gear down to a safe stop, but those feet just seem to go to the brakes and I;’m sure you are familiar with the results of that. Not exactly a group of geniuses around here. Most of them know how to do it but then there are the young people who think it;s fun to see how many times they can make their trucks spin around. If it was just those idiots I would say let them go but there is always an innocent person in the area who gets hurt. Common sense seems to be something we have lost in the age of technology.

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      • It reminds me of medieval Spanish poetry: cualquier tiempo pasado fue mejor. Past days were always better! We didn’t do things like that in our youth! Our truck spinning lot like doing it on newly laid tarmac … and drawing pictures with ther tires!

        Liked by 1 person

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