Losing It
When you lose it,
whatever it is,
your fingers pick at seams,
hankies, skirts, shirts, jeans,
or strip a label from a bottle,
or crumble bread, or …
There are so many things
you can do,
personal things.
On the table:
a vacant cereal bowl,
a silver teaspoon in a saucer,
an empty teacup
returning your round
moon-face stare.
Comment: I would like to thank everyone who joined in this discussion today (blog, e-mail, and Facebook). The poem transcribed above is the final version, subject to later consideration of course. Earlier versions, with selected comments, are set out below.
1
Losing It
When you lose it
whatever it is
your fingers pick at seams
hankies skirts shirts jeans
or strip a label from a bottle
or crumble bread or
there are so many things
you can do
personal things
on the table
a vacant cereal bowl
a silver teaspoon in a saucer
an empty teacup
returning your round moon stare
your hands
twist and pull
your nails
click together
blunt needles knit
then unpick stitches
trying to unravel
then to repair
this ball of empty air
Comment: This is a Golden Oldie. It dates from the final illness and passing of my mother, thirty years ago next month. When I wrote it, I wasn’t punctuating my poetry. Nowadays, I prefer punctuation as it guides the reader in terms of the rhythm and flow of words. Leaving it exactly as I wrote it means you, as reader, have to wrestle with the meaning, the order, the pauses, the rhythm. My guess is that this over-complicates the poem. However, it was a difficult time, so the poetry I wrote at that time was also difficult. I will be interested in any comments on the following question: to punctuate or not to punctuate?
Comment from Judy: An out there idea: what if for Losing it – you ended poem with first stanza?
Reply from Roger: What if, indeed? Then it would need a tweak or two, something like this: the poem changes, but does it gain or lose?
2
Losing It
blunt needles knit
then unpick stitches
trying to unravel
then to repair
this ball of empty air
your hands
twist and pull
your nails
click together
your fingers
pick at seams
hankies skirts shirts jeans
or strip a label from a bottle
or crumble bread or
there are so many things
you can do
personal things
on the table before you
a vacant cereal bowl
a silver teaspoon in a sauce
an empty teacup
returning
your round moon stare
Comment from Jan: Play it again, this time with punctuation. This time I have returned to Judy’s original suggestion, and just placed the last stanza first. Then I have punctuated the poem. Revision and re-creation time: this is fun! I punctuated the above version, then cut it down to the first poem published at the start of this article. Tank you all for the help.
rogermoorepoet 
The final version is the best. Good choices Roger.
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Thanks, Meg. I think some of the keys to writing are (1) write a lot; (2) don’t be afraid to change and experiment; (3) learn to recognize bad writing (and reject it); (4) learn to recognize good writing (and keep it); (5) learn when and where to cut and which and what to keep; and (6) find that elusive unity that binds a poem (or other piece of writing) and holds it together. You know that as well as I do: putting it into practice is the big thing.
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Yes! And sometimes you have to cut something that you love but just doesn’t work. I’ve learned that over time as well!
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Absolutely: but it’s never lost. It can always be patched back in somewhere else.
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Very true. I save everything!
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I am sorry I missed this discussion in full flow. The final version is the best.
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I agree. I thought it needed trimming — or amplification. As it stood at first, it was a little bit cluttered. If in doubt, simplify.
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Good tribution to your mother.
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We were very close, in spite of the physical distance between us, and it was a very difficult time.
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Yeah,i can understand.dear roger!!.
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“An empty teacup returning,ur round moon stare”beautiful.dear roger!!you are a mazician of word.three shaped of your one poem is a amazing work.
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Thank you, Aruna. Paciencia y barajar, as Miguel de Cervantes said: Patience and shuffle the cards. Sometimes we must play around and shuffle the words until we find the right combination.
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Yeah.i understood now.thanks dear roger.
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Very well written.
Enjoyed reading it:)
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Thank you again. I was happy to re-discover this ‘lost’ poem!
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It is interesting how different they all feel, especially with and without punctuation. The punctuation forces a different read. Not sure which one I like the best…I like them all.
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Oh the joy of being a very creative creative writer. The beauty of the Blog is that I can leave them there and don’t have to choose.
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I agree. I like to experiment on the blog. It’s a good place to learn.
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