Revisions

Very little in the creative life turns our perfect first time through. That’s why we revise – revision is necessary. Here is my revision of Heartbreaking. Click here for the original version. Can you spot the difference between the two?

Heartbreaking

How many have broken their hearts,
reading what I have written, as I have
broken mine, reading what others wrote?

My words reach out, naked, stripped
of false trappings, fake images,
my flesh and blood damp on the page.

Who knows where my words will land,
on fertile ground, on desert sand, or will
they lie on dry, stony paths, infertile?

So many people now scorn living words,
preferring those dull, dry, three-word chants,
that hypnotize as fists are raised and clenched.

Beauty, love, life coffined in a tiny box,
outside of which, they can no longer think.

This is my revision of Rebirth – click here for the original version.

Rebirth

“El mundo nace
cuando dos se besan.”
Octavio Paz

A new world is born
when two people kiss.
The hummingbird sips
at the hollyhock’s lips.
Bee enters the blossom
and, sated, comes out.
A butterfly perches,
flutters its wings.

The sun enters a cloud:
radiance is born.
Silver linings
morph to gold.
The sun’s needle stitches
the world together.

Oh to be a part of Eden,
Paradise born anew,
in the moment when
lip meets lip and the tongue
is a twister, touching down.

Two hearts in a whirl,
their world aflame,
new shapes are born.
Wild flowers swaying
in an age-old dance.
Life’s journey renewed,
not always by chance.

Fascinating things revisions, as you can see from my revisions to the painting which opens this post. Now you can spot the differences