Can you tell me …
…
why a man
walks out of his house,
and never returns?
…
why a woman abandons her child,
turns her back on her lover,
and looks silent at the wall?
…
why errant stars fall,
leaving their constellations
to wander the skies alone?
…
why an incoming tide
is an invasion of white water?
…
why each wave separates,
thrives for a little while,
then perishes on the beach,
wrapped up
in its lacy shroud of foam?
I have received several comments on these piece from various sources. So, following the lines of thought of my readers, to whom I am most grateful, here is the same poem, but with the verses re-arranged. If anyone would like to comment on the differences between the two versions, and which they prefer, I would be most interested (and grateful).
Revised Version
Can you tell me …
…
why an incoming tide
is an invasion of white water?…
…
why a woman abandons her child,
turns her back on her lover,
and looks silent at the wall?
…
why errant stars fall,
leaving their constellations
to wander the skies alone?
…
why a man
walks out of his house,
and never returns?
…
why each wave separates,
thrives for a little while,
then perishes on the beach,
wrapped up
in its lacy shroud of foam?
Hi Roger, I prefer the first version of “Can you tell me …” As Meg mentioned, the progression feels more natural, man, woman, skies and water, rather than water, woman, stars, man and water.
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Thanks for replying, Mia. I prefer that version to. It seemed to follow the pattern of my original sea thoughts, much more closely. They ended up in the wash of the waves and the sizzle of the sand, as all good sea-thoughts should.
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You’re welcome, Roger.
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Hi Roger! So happy you’re back. I like both versions – beginning and ending with the lines about the tide makes the second version, tidy (pun intended!) but the original feels more natural. 🙂
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I think the votes are all flowing towards the first version … I remember those voices and those waves! Thanks for you opinion, Meg. Good to talk the other day.
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I prefer the old one, although the second version feels waves moving between the concrete and abstract ideas. The first version felt like a tide that washed in on the concrete ideas and washed out with the abstract.
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Me too. I tired … but I will keep the old version in the books. Thanks for responding!
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I cannot tell you, but they are worthy questions to ponder. Beautiful, Roger.
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Thanks, Tanya. I have had some suggestions and will post a possible revision in a few minutes.
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The new version is up now, Tanya. But I still like the old one … it was the order the questions came in, sitting on the beach last summer.
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I will check it out!
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I imagine, Roger, that some people will find answers to your unsettling questions in their religions. For me, Nature and the workings of the Universe may know the answers, but I do not. The questions remain in our minds to create poetry – as you have done here.
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The questions are unsettling. They came to me one afternoon, sitting on the seashore (Passamaquoddy Bay, NB) and watching the tides flow slowly in, sewing lacy frills as they crept up the beach. Luckily, we don’t have to answer them … or I hope we don’t.
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